You stop claiming “my boss is a narcissistic bully” once you’ve worked in the workplace long enough to accumulate a few gigs under your belt. As long as the person is a reasonably reasonable individual whom you can occasionally smile at as you pass each other in the corridor, it’s fine. You’re neither best friends nor drinking buddies.
Unfortunately, even this modest scenario may be too much to ask for. Your boss might occasionally be an intolerable tyrant who enjoys torturing subordinates and seems content solely to watch a direct report sob in helplessness.
Could anyone you are working for sound like this? In such a case, you have our sympathy. But what should you do, especially if you can’t afford to quit your job, to address the situation?
Whether you like it or not, you can securely manage even the most challenging workplace personalities as long as you know what to do.
Signs Your Boss Is a Narcissistic bully
People who suffer from narcissistic personality disorder could learn how to trick people to satisfy their narcissistic needs. By dazzling their superiors, they may move up the ranks rapidly, but they mistreat those who report to them.
The following are indicators that your boss is a narcissistic bully:
- They Need Continuous Praise
Despite their outward confidence, narcissists frequently have weak self-esteem and are highly vulnerable and insecure. They need almost constant adoration, praise, and attention to keep themselves up. Additionally, they could anticipate being seen as superior despite having done nothing deserving of praise.
Narcissistic have extremely sensitive egos and are particularly sensitive to criticism. Any remarks that draw attention to their shortcomings or vulnerabilities may be met with an outburst of narcissistic wrath.
- They Almost Always Only Discuss Themselves.
Narcissistic personality disorder patients frequently think about themselves. They are keenly aware of their physical traits, fortune, abilities, and accomplishments; they also anticipate your attention when they discuss these qualities. These remarks could have an exaggerated tendency and don’t fully represent their lives accurately.
- They Display an Air of Entitlement
Narcissists believe that people should do special favors for them and grant their requests without hesitation. If they don’t receive such care, they could grow irritable or irritated or offer others silent passive-aggressive treatment. They believe that people are only there to fulfill their demands, that they are mistreated, and that their wishes and desires are not important.
They will take credit for their subordinates’ work when speaking to their supervisors due to their desire for validation and conviction that they are the greatest. When something goes wrong, they’ll probably also put the responsibility on those subordinates and other outside factors. Since they believe they are superior to their supervisors, they will probably feel at ease questioning them.
- They Have Envy for Others.
Narcissists perceive those who possess things they don’t like as material possessions, positions, or admiration dangerous because they have poor self-esteem and a need to be better than others. They are angry at people who seem to be getting in the way of them receiving the satisfaction they believe they are entitled to because they can’t comprehend why they can’t have everything they desire when they desire it.
- They Are Insensitive
Narcissists find it difficult to relate to other people or comprehend that they might be going through their troubles. Even though they are aware of the hardships of others, they fail to comprehend why these people don’t adapt to suit their requirements.
- They Dream of Being Great.
Narcissists frequently harbor intricate illusions about attaining prosperity, dominance, intelligence, beauty, or the ideal mate. They believe they ought to have the nicest of everything because of their fantasies, including houses, vehicles, clothes, and other social standing possessions like their place of education. Narcissists use these wishes as a defense mechanism against their emptiness and guilt by making them feel special and in charge. When their dreams are not realized, they feel extreme dissatisfaction and rage.
- They Exploit Other People
Due to the narcissist’s ability to come across as handsome, charismatic, and charming, many people are attracted to them naturally. Thus, narcissists might have no trouble persuading others to comply with what they wish, even to the point of making those who report to them experience work burnout. They are constantly looking for entertainment since they grow bored easily.
- They Keep Old Resentments.
Narcissists harbor resentment toward individuals who ridicule them, disapprove of them, or fail to grant them their wishes. They harbor deep resentments and treat any imagined slight as personal criticism.
- They Possess Infinite Ambitions
It’s healthy to have goals and objectives in life, but narcissists put their desires as the focus of their reality and demand that other people share their desires. They frequently have unending goals for themselves because they feel better than other people and want to know that others think highly of them. Narcissists dream of being the best rather than just doing their best. When they fail, they become furious or incredibly dissatisfied to the point of depression.
- They Cannot Stand Criticism
When things don’t go their way, narcissists struggle to cope and find it difficult to ever admit that they are wrong. They are unable to accept criticism of any type, including constructive criticism, as a result.
- They Have Extreme Insecurity
When you initially meet a narcissist, they may come across as attractive, pompous, and convinced that they are better than everyone else. However, narcissists are typically tremendously insecure, which is the reason they see the need to criticize others. They frequently criticize dishonest or unfaithful people but refuse to admit that they have similar qualities as well.
- They Are Exceptionally Cute
Narcissists first come across as charming and self-assured, but if that image changes as the relationship progresses, they start to become demeaning of other people and occasionally violent. Because of their arrogance and charisma, narcissists typically attract people at first, yet many later come to view them as suspects and attention-seekers.
- They Are Supplied By Their “Great” Communal Skills.
Numerous bosses could be collective narcissists. They frequently possess traits like leveraging workplace incidents to stir up drama or cause difficulty. Despite projecting the image of a martyr, they manage to obtain narcissistic sustenance from others. They position themselves away from success via merit by describing their professional career as a quest or a higher calling.
- They Are Always Moving Around
Because they can’t sit still, narcissists pressure others to go to plays, concerts, expensive dinners, and exclusive parties. The inner stress of possibly not feeling as superior as they imagine is felt when one is inactive. This incessant need to “do” repels people, and the narcissist is unable to unwind or enjoy their companionship except as a break from their inner strivings. They can travel a lot and believe they should receive the greatest services in hotels and on airplanes.
Several Kinds Of Narcissists
Narcissism may undoubtedly manifest itself in several ways. People divide these kinds of narcissists into two broad categories: the overt and the covert.
Overt narcissists are those you can spot from a mile away as being narcissistic. When you chat with them, the discussion only advances if it is about them since they are so intensely focused on themselves, fiercely competitive, and haughty. They are the same people that never think to inquire about you.
The covert kind of narcissists, in comparison, are harder to spot. These people frequently struggle with extremely low egos or a crippling dread of never being “enough,” which ultimately manifests as narcissism as they are unable to take criticism well. In essence, they already possess such poor self-esteem that they don’t know where to put any additional criticism, therefore they would prefer to avoid being perceived as having made a mistake by leaving a scenario where they may be at blame.
These two types of narcissism can be further broken down into a few subtypes, which are shown below.
Overt Types Of Narcissists
- The Bullying Narcissist
Bullying and self-absorption are two awful tendencies that this person mixes. Bullying narcissists boost their egos by demeaning others. They frequently have a winning mentality and will make fun of or threaten people to get their way. They like causing others to feel awful, insignificant, or undeserving in the end. Bullying narcissists do it for personal advantage, as opposed to “normal” bullies who typically put others down for social gain.
- The Toxic Narcissist
Different types of toxic narcissism exist, and none of them are positive. At the very least, a toxic narcissist “constantly creates drama in other people’s lives, and at the very worst, they wreak misery and ruin.
Therefore, you can be faced with a toxic narcissist if you have a friend that relentlessly wants all of your energy and attention and becomes hostile when you don’t comply. A toxic narcissist may also have created more serious problems in your life, such as getting you fired from your work, abusing you physically, or causing the end of a relationship.
- The Exhibitionist Narcissist
The exhibitionist narcissist makes their self-interest crystal clear. This type of narcissist takes full advantage of other individuals and is frequently haughty and condescending, letting all those around them understand that they are narcissistic. They also make no bones about acting selfishly. They require attention and become uncomfortable when they are not.
Covert Types Of Narcissists
- The Seducer Narcissist
This type of narcissist uses love-bombing the most to acquire the attention they so desperately want from others: To “conquer” you as a sexual or romantic conquest, the seducer will “make you feel terrific about yourself.” They’ll frequently act as though they appreciate or adore you, only to blow you off when they no longer need you.
- The Vulnerable Narcissist
An idea that everyone is constantly out to get them is a more overt manifestation of this kind of narcissist’s fixation with self. They reject criticism just like any other classic narcissist, but in this case, it’s because their distorted perception of reality causes them to believe that they are constantly being wronged and that life has consistently been especially cruel to them. But no despite how much sympathy a spouse offers, it is never enough.
- The Closet Narcissist
A closet narcissist is someone who exhibits the traits of narcissism but doesn’t force their personality on others or society. They are frequently more difficult to identify than some other types of narcissists. This might indicate a variety of things, including a sense of entitlement, a need for admiration all the time, an obsession with achievement, jealousy of others, and a lack of empathy.
They have a little bit more codependence. They frequently make an effort to appear to be truly selfless, but they prefer to align themselves with someone they like and follow in their footsteps.
How To Cope With A Narcissistic Boss
So here we are at a turning point. Since not everyone has the option to quit their job, it may be a terrific necessary step for your career. Perhaps you have many wonderful friendships there. It’s possible that you enjoy your job or that you simply lack the courage to quit. Jobs are few in the COVID environment, therefore you may have to discover methods to survive.
Let’s gather some information so we can create plans to protect your mental health.
You must comprehend your narcissistic boss to deal with them. There is a very good chance that they won’t ever change and that working with them won’t ever be simple.
Let’s say that you must endure this. Grab a beverage, take a seat, and pay close attention:
- Because narcissists crave attention, the very worst thing you can do to them is to bring out their inappropriate behavior. even unfavorable notice. Instead, practice responding such that you maintain control over your options and decisions. If you notice yourself responding, take a step back, pause for a moment, and regain control.
- To control your ideas and actions, use emotional intelligence. Also keep in mind that the narcissist, not you, is the one who suffers from any hurtful actions or comments. This is a hard one, but if for some reason you find yourself believing the critique, check with a trustworthy friend.
- Avoid arguing. Arguments with narcissists should be avoided at all costs because they will use all you say and do against you in their private court of law (the workplace). There is a good likelihood they’ll do it in front of people. Make them invisible instead of arguing or engaging with them—this is what a narcissist wants. The most you can do is reduce their influence by making them invisible and inconsequential.
- A narcissist will constantly present themselves as a helpless victim who is completely blameless. They are quick to lie and provide partial truths when the truth displeases them, which happens frequently. When dealing with a narcissistic boss, be prepared to check everything out frequently.
- Establish distinct limits. even though it’s only in your brain. Wherever you need one, establish a strict limit and adhere to it. Your brain will be reinforced in its belief that you are protecting yourself and your independence as a result. Keep in mind that boundaries are there to help you determine what is and isn’t appropriate behavior, not to control others. Boundaries are an essential, healthy, and healthy component of self-care. Although the narcissist might not accept them, keep in mind that limits exist to respect oneself rather than to manipulate others.
- Keep your attention on what matters. When you have a narcissistic boss, you feel pressure to follow their standards and have everything revolve around them, without anyone to hold them accountable or take responsibility for when things go wrong. It’s simple to become enraged and annoyed. At that point, you need to take a step back and rediscover why you are there. Define your reasons for staying, then.
- Never take for granted that they care about your achievement or well-being. If they are friendly to you, try to decipher their true intentions by interpreting their actions.
- Expect neither return nor fair play. Rules are ignored, ethics are broken, ideas are stolen, smear campaigns are carried out, responsibility is denied, and narcissists portray and negate their actions without giving them a second thought. They distort the truth to make themselves appear innocent rather than owning up to their errors and accepting responsibility for the results.
- Do consider an escape plan. It’s terrible for your self-esteem to work with narcissists. It wears you out physically and mentally. No matter how adept you grow at handling the circumstance, it has a significant negative impact on your physical and emotional well-being. Embrace your dreams. It will communicate to your mind that you are responding to bodily stress signals.
If there were a perfect world, you wouldn’t have to state, “My boss is a narcissist bully,” or work for one. However, since there isn’t one, you won’t be able to influence how your employer acts.
Learn the signs of a narcissistic bully in your boss by doing some research on them. When you know, you can alter your behavior toward them by attempting to establish clear boundaries and refrain from taking the damaging things they say personally.
You may not have the resources to leave your current position and look for employment with a different employer. There are therefore ways to exert some control over the circumstance.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
How Would A Narcissistic Boss Behave?
- Narcissistic employers deliberately surround themselves with flattering coworkers, placing them over other workers who might provide superior work. This is thus because narcissistic leaders place a high value on receiving praise from subordinates.
What Makes A Narcissist Angry?
- Even if what they seek is absurd, they still don’t get their way. Even if the criticism is constructive or delivered politely, individuals nevertheless feel as though they have been criticized. They don’t command the spotlight. They are discovered breaching the law or disregarding boundaries.
You can also read, “Getting Fired From A Job You Hate? Here Is What To Do“